Date #6: Tennis, a little Vaseline, and a Big Clock

Picture it….a cool Sunday afternoon sitting outside at The Alcove in Los Feliz sipping on a non fat latte having interesting conversation….ahhhh. So not only did I have Date #6 this past Sunday but I also enjoyed a Golden Girls marathon (only a die hard GG fan would understand the “picture it” reference…kudos to you). On to Date #6…..and yes, he is the bi product of yet another online dating resource compliments of Match.com. Now at first glance from his profile picture I have to admit that I was a little shallow and my expectations were not the greatest based on his picture but I liked his 'stats': 36, athletic, wants kids, never been married, social drinker, graduate degree, and is passionate about his job. The fact that his picture looked as if he used Vaseline instead of some fancy exfoliating cleanser to wash his face was just a small formality right? We exchanged a few emails with each other and he had a pretty good sense of humor...well good enough to appreciate my sassy yet goofy attitude that only a mother could love. While I am a big fan of the game of tennis, I am not one for engaging in a tournament of emails with a potential date..i.e.. a barrage of emails about our life stories back and forth, back and forth, back and forth....match point already!! Ahhhh....enough about tennis and Vaseline (sorry Serena) on to details about the date!!

So after a few technical difficulties in communicating with each other (as if we don't have enough ways to be in touch AND get rejected these days....cell, text, im, bbm, facebook, voice mail, email..think you get it) after HE was an hour late we finally connected with each other in Los Feliz. I know you're all dying to know his 'name' aren't you?? Well #6 and I had a really engaging conversation about race, fashion, and the financial world.....I can't think of 3 subjects that link better together can you? Hmmm....President Obama, Fashion Night Out, and a few little names like JP Morgan Chase and AIG...well this wasn't the exact stream of conversation but you get the point. #6 works in the world of finance and corruption ahem..I meant finance and consumption :) and he informed me that he was off to London for business the very next day so I couldn't think of a better moniker for #6 than you guessed it....Big Ben (London, big clock, time, HE was late.....makes sense right?).

I must say meeting Big Ben in person was quite the surprise. Gone was the squinty eyed, grease slicked face from his profile picture and hello to a fresh faced, dimply, bright eyed good looking guy......phew! We ordered our fancy coffee drinks, found a comfortable spot to chat outside and proceeded to engage each other in stimulating conversation. I learned that Big Ben was originally from the East coast, was engaged and involved in a long term relationship for 9 years, and was also somewhat of a newbie to the West coast like me. I found the conversation to be seamless and easy....he served, I hit back, another serve, another hit...no Aces...just an easy and fun game of dating tennis. In fact the conversation was so seamless that we were still engaged on a subject as he was walking me to my car to end the date.

On to the advice...I switched gears and started reading the tome of a new Buru, this week it's a little advice from Greg Behrendt and Liz Tuccillo otherwise known as the geniuses behind "He's Just Not That Into You". Now some of you may think that this first date with Big Ben may be a tad bit too soon to discern whether or not he's into me but I think no time is like the present so I'd like to break a few things down based on the tips from the book and see if my #6 could potentially turn into Dates #'s 7-100:


Rule #1: He's just not that into you if he's not calling you:
First date aside I will say that Big Ben has contacted me via email on 3 occasions whilst away in London for the week. Now only time will tell what stands to happen once he is back on dry land but so far his cyber contact has been cute, funny, and engaging.

Rule #2: He's just not that into you if he's not asking you out:
Although there is a rather large body of water and about a dozen or so States between Big Ben and myself he has managed to ask me out for when he is back in town. Geez...is a trip to the Abbey (and I'm not talking about the one in WeHo for all you Los Angelian's) and a body of water is all it really takes for a guy to seal the deal for another date these days?

Rule #3: He's just not that into you if he's unable to show some type of affection...towards YOU: Now this was a rule of my own that I thought I would throw in for good measure. I happen to be an extremely affectionate person and I have come to realize that being with a person that cannot show affection towards me in a relationship is a DEAL BREAKER for me. And no...I'm not saying that I want to throw down with a guy at a bus stop, waiting in line at Starbucks, or in the Travel section of Barnes & Noble BUT I am a warm, touchy feely kind of person that requires some attention and reciprocity in that department. I once dated a guy in my 20's that would walk 3 steps ahead of me when we were walking down the street.......now with the wisdom of my 30s its safe to say that he just wasn't that into me but at that time like most of us I chose to believe that he really did like me but had an unfortunate rare skin disorder on the palms of his hands that prevented any skin to skin contact. Ahhh Greg and Liz....where have you been all of my life??

So there are a lot more rules to follow in the 'No Excuses Truth to Understanding guys' from "He's Just Not That Into You" which I will revisit once Big Ben resets his clock stateside.......

Stay tuned... :o)

Week 2: 98 and counting......

Week 2...Date #2
Since Date #2 occurred on the heels of the end of Week #1, I decided to use the same tips from Buru Dr. Phil....and besides..it's my blog and dating experiment anyway..I make the rules! And just to give you a sense of timing Date #1 was on Tuesday, Aug 18th and #2 was the very next day, Wednesday, Aug 19th so I've barely got enough time to keep you all updated properly!!

The Guy
Date #2 is also compliments of Match.com...go figure right? Another Match date but I can't tell you how different my first two victi...oops I mean dates are from each other! Nawlin's [New Orlean's pronounced with a lazy tongue] seems like an appropriate moniker for date #2 considering his thick Louisiana drawl and Southern charm coupled with the LA "cool" factor.

The Scene
So before we set the scene I must digress for a moment as there were a few phone conversations prior to our date that I must share.

Conversation #1
Nawlins: "Hey...how are you?"
Me: "Good..how are you?"
Nawlins: "So why are you still single??"
Me: [disconnect]

Ok...so I didn't hang up on the guy for asking that question but I am so SICK of that question so I threw it right back at him! I'm a single, 30 something, eligible woman and clearly there must be something wrong with me since I am still single and trolling for men on the Internet amongst other places...and yes I said trolling!

Conversation #2
Nawlins: "How was your day?"
Me: "Pretty good...and yours?"
Nawlins: "Damn girl....I'm trying to figure out why you are still single!"
Me: "Why do you keep asking me this question Gumbo?? So once again I am throwing it right back at you...why are you still single??"
Nawlins: (And get ready for this one ladies...) "Well I have found that most women in LA are looking for a guy with a lot of drama....lots of baby mama's, kids, drama whatever. I don't have any of that drama in my life and the women here are bored with that."

I mean...where do I even begin here?? I must say that after conversation #2 I was ready to come up with some clever excuse to cancel our coffee date but being the nice person that I am I decided to meet for coffee anyway. I'd like to Oh and I am leaving out a critical tidbit of information here. Nawlin's suggested that we meet for coffee at a Starbuck's...in a Mall...at 9:30...p.s..the Mall closes at 9:00 but apparently people are still roaming about a semi lit empty mall because of the movie theater. Creepy. And really...of all the places in the world to meet for a coffee date...inside a closed mall?? Maybe if we lived in Dubuque or Jackson Hole but we're in Los Angeles for heaven's sake where coffee shops are as common as car washes or boob jobs...they're on every other corner!!!

At this point I think I have scored about a C- according to Dr. Phil's rules but Bush was a C student right?? lol

Because I was so weirded out by meeting a guy from the Internet in a dimly lit closed mall with a questionable amount of people around to hear me just in case I needed to scream and haul ass to the nearest escalator, I kindly suggested that we meet at a coffee spot a few blocks away from the mall. Like a smooth Southern gentleman, Nawlins acquiesced and I met him at the new spot where there were plenty of cars, lights, people, and background noise. Ahhh...dating salvation.

I have to admit that my expectations were pretty low after that second conversation laden with generalizations about LA women, but meeting Nawlin's in person was much better than what I thought it would be and it was actually a pretty decent date. He was positive, had a good spirit, and was passionate about his line of work. While I can't say that my loins were oozing for him and I didn't feel any instant chemistry or butterflies think a second date with him may be in order (will tally total dates later!)....

Stay tuned for tentative date #3....and it's a set up!!

So..............?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?

Ahhh....the post we've all been waiting for!! Commentary on date #1! Before we get down to the nitty gritty let's set the scene and go over my date check list from Week #1's Buru, Dr. Phil from "Love Smart: Find the One You Want, Fix the One You Got":

The Scene
A cute and intimate bar in Los Feliz (it took me longer than I anticipated to get to the place as it is a new part of town for me and traffic was a bitch so unfortunately I committed a dating faux paus..I was 15 minutes late...ouch!). I called my date en route, apologized profusely and hauled ass to get there!

My date...who I will refer to as 'Mr. Windy City' was sitting at the bar patiently waiting for my arrival. The bar had a decent amount of people but I immediately recognized him from his picture. I was actually surprised as he pretty much looked just like his picture BUT he was also already sitting down at the bar so for a moment I had a flashback of the Sex and The City episode where Samantha meets the guy sitting at the bar, accepts a date with him and when they get up to leave he turns out being 5' feet tall! Y'all....remember that one right?? Well I breathed a small sigh of relief on the inside as he stood up to greet me because in the online world of dating I have found that the following equation tends to hold true: Height from Online Profile less 3 to 4 inches equals actual height of said date, example: match profile reads 6'0 actual height in person 5'7..so true, so true, so true!

Date Prep from Buru #1, Love Smart by Dr. Phil
1 Knowing My Audience:
The audience i.e. "Mr. Windy City" as I like to call him since he spent a lot of time telling me about where he is originally from, Chicago, hence his the moniker Mr. Windy City. I prepared myself by skimming his profile just to get the major points. Mr. WC is 43, looking for a serious relationship, enjoys outdoor activities like hiking and cycling, baseball games and is interested in a woman that can enjoy life's "simple" pleasures...hmm..should have asked him if an afternoon at Barney's New York qualifies as a "simple pleasure" in his book.

2 Knowing My Opening Questions
Since I had a decent idea of my audience coming up with a few questions wasn't too difficult..so the conversation went on like a decent match of tennis...question, answer, serve, question, answer, serve..think you get the point. Oh and Dr. Phil also points out that I should give him ample attention since most folks love hearing about themselves and I quote, "If you spend the whole time talking about yourself, not only will you bore him but it may seem that you're trying way too hard to sell yourself"...really Dr. Phil? I think a nice balance is better but hmmm.. who's the single one in this situation? ME. Think I did a good job of giving just enough about me while managing to make him think it was all about him!

3 Know My Star Power
So Dr. Phil says that the secret to star quality is that it is not about hogging the spotlight and the more generous you are about making other people feel like stars, the more star quality you yourself will possess. I see where Phil was going with this one but on the contrary I thought this tip was filled with a little more BS than the others tips.

4 Know My Sound Bite
If you ask anyone that knows me well I am pretty good at knowing what my sound bite is...not sure what a "sound bite" is..well let me explain it to you. A sound bite is like having an arsenal of great "ammunition" to share about yourself. Something that's positive, upbeat, makes you smile and ultimately makes you more attractive to the opposite sex (or same..no judgments here...NO PROP 8!). No matter what happens to be going on in my life you would often never know out as my "sound bite" tends to be pretty positive and so this is exactly what Mr. Windy City was getting last evening.

5 Know My Fillers
Fillers....these are handful of things (Dr. Phil says you should have 5) that you can always fall back and talk about with anyone with comfort, ease, and confidence. It could be current events, news, politics (although I don't recommend talking about that on a first date...especially if he's an Republican), travelling, hobbies etc..basically a filler is something that you can shoot the sh*t about so as to avoid awkward moments of silence (which I experienced a few last night...so I excused myself to go the ladies room!).

Overall it was a decent date but no sparks :( and oh one more thing the only thing that turned me off about this guy was the fact that he disclosed to me that he has a roommate. Now before you start bashing on me, I can get with a guy having a roommate up to a certain age but I think once you pass the 4-0 finish line I just happen to have an issue with it so there..hate me or not just being real people! At the end of the day I followed all of the big "Do's and Don'ts" of dating...made eye contact, asked questions, was a good listener, blah..blah..blah but alas no love connection..I guess Rome wasn't built in a day so on to the next.....

Stay tuned folks because Date #3 is on deck....yes, you read correctly #3...had a little coffee date tonight (Wednesday) will give more details of bachelor #2 tomorrow as a girl needs her beauty rest!