Welcome to Los Angeles........

Ok..so I've been a little off of my dating game so to say in the past week due to an unfortunate little situation that inspired the title of this post and I just couldn't resist telling you all about it and for those of you that have heard the story already please bear with me as I promise this is the LAST time I plan on recounting this sordid tale. And I must also apologize about digressing off topic of my ever so important quest for 100 Dates but this situation burned me up so much I needed a release and all of you just drew the short stick so you get to listen!

So some would say that living in a new city would come with a certain right of passage. Let's see...in my 3o some odd years on the planet I have lived in 5 different states and roughly 4 major cities (sorry Columbus....didn't count you for this one...too many suburbs) so I can definitely vouch for the right of passage concept. In New York City some may say a right of passage could be getting mugged, riding the subway in the wrong direction and ending up above ground or in some strange boro town like Astoria or Carnarsie...lol, braving 34th Street during lunch hour with the throngs of people, tourists, weirdos, street vendors, and bums at every turn or better yet riding a crowded subway car in the dead of summer....with a broken A/C and a smelly bum in your car...yikes and ewwwwww. Or how about Boston during the winter and freezing your ass off running to try and catch what appears to be a slow as T train coming and the light turns on Commonwealth Ave stopping you dead in your tracks as your ass continues to freeze and you watch the damn thing pass you by...oops..now I'm really going to be late to class. And I can't leave out good old Washington D.C now can I?? Hmm...good ROP's in this town could be misplacing that damn ticket you have to hold on to when you get on the metro and searching your pockets like a mad man when you're ready to exit only to realize that you ate it, or threw it away by accident along with a random receipt or gum rapper and now you have to pay an extra $5 just to get out of the damn Metro station!! WTF?!?! Ahhhh...so I've just recounted 3 rights of passage in 3 of the cities that I have to thank for molding me into who I am today....and one more to go...good old Los Angeles and I know that you are chomping at the bit to find out what lovely experience I am going to share with you. Sitting in bumper to bumper traffic on the 10 or 405 freeways? NO... Running into Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie at The Grove with the whole United Colors of Benetton Fall Ad campaign...i.e..their children in tow?? NO... Having a guy posing to be some big wig in "The Industry" in need of a new personal assistant and turns out to be a complete fraud and all around douche bag? YES...

Picture it...savvy New Yorker comes to LA seeking sun, fun, 100 Dates, new adventures....and a new passion. Not only has the current state of the economy brought on high rates of unemployment and fewer jobs and opportunities for ALL, but with that comes the crazies, weirdos, desperate people and finally folks like me....smart, ambitious and creative individuals trying to think outside of the box in order to find something that sticks. So what that translates to for moi is a lovely ad I posted on Craigslist recently promoting myself in the efforts of catching the eye of a new business prospect. Now, for every legitimate response I received to my catchy ad I think there were at least a dozen other ridiculous pleas and responses to my ad. And finally I received what appeared to be a semi-genuine, seemingly authentic (I mean it IS Craigslist)response to my ad in search of a new Assistant.....READ ON my friends.

A lovely gentleman that I'd like to refer to as Mr. Freckles answered my lovely post and presented himself as a very successful man about town in the ever popular Hollywood entertainment scene. After speaking to Freckles on the phone and asking several probing questions AND receiving more than reasonable answers I decide to meet with our budding Entertainment guru for an interview over coffee at Starbucks. Now upon first glance our guy was well groomed, professional, and prepared. Over the course of an hour I grilled him with probing questions about his business, his background, his clients, his reputation in the industry and even how much sleep he got. He passed my little game of 20 questions with flying colors. We wrapped up our lovely meeting with him telling me to think things over and give him a call in the morning regarding how I would like to proceed. Well...momma didn't raise no fool and after careful thought I sent Mr. Freckles an email letting him know that I couldn't wait to get started working for him and serving as his personal Celebrity Apprentice. Monday morning rolls around and I leave a message for my "new" boss only to not hear back from him promptly so of course an email comes next. "Hello Mr. Freckles, just want to touch base with you on getting started".....ok folks....get ready because what came next totally blew my mind and was my official "Welcome to L.A." that so many others before me have lived to experience. What came next was a barrage of emails back and forth that had zero to do with the job at hand but yet another type of "job" if you catch my drift. Once I caught on to what the sleazebag was up to I decided to play it cool and stupid to get him to incriminate himself as much as possible in writing.....wow..looks like my crazy obsession with watching Law & Order SVU and Criminal Intent actually paid off...doink doink.

Over the course of the next day and a half Freckles proceeds to email me about how quickly I need to start my new "job" and how I would be paid "special" for it. While I am keeping Freckles entertained with the ridiculous notion that I would "work" for him I decided to check out the Facebook profile that he informed me that he had. Well after a very quick discovery I found a conveniently open Facebook profile that belonged to our little digusting pig of a new friend. Upon careful review of Freckles' page I noticed that every single detail that he shared with me in person checked out.....hometown - check, years in the business - check, last 3 clients/projects - check, pictures of the guy in the Facebook profile - DIDN'T MATCH. Yes....you read it right folks....the many photos in the profile and the man I sat with and played 20 questions with for an hour were not the same guy...YIKES!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Being the novice, television trained detective that I am, I got on the case to figure out what the hell to make of my discovery. I remembered that while I sat with Freckles at Starbucks, he exchanged pleasantries with a Barista chick on her break. I called the Starbucks in question and asked to speak to the dark haired smoker Barista chick and sure enough she was there. I calmly asked her if she remembered seeing me sitting outside meeting with a gentleman a few days previous and saying hello to him. Our Barista proceeded to share with me a few details about Freckles....apparently he is a regular, married, and is commonly seen meeting with pretty young things outside for "interviews" a few days a week. In fact our guy is so popular that the entire Starbucks staff is familiar with his comings and goings..and envious of his 'appointments'...hmm....the plot thickens. I then decide to email a woman from Freckles' FB page and share my story and find out if she can shed any light on this upstanding individual. It only took a few hours and my inbox was lit up with mail from my new friend. New friend shares with me that she too met with Mr. Freckles in the efforts of working for him yet things seemed a little off and just didn't match up.

On the home front I continue to field extremely inappropriate emails from Freckles and requests to meet up at a hotel to consummate our new "working" relationship. I continue to let Freckles dig a deeper hole and things finally end when I rip him a new one by sending him the mother of all emails calling him out for his disgusting behavior and also letting him know that he didn't get one over on this Law & Order Princess! After dealing with a barrage of emotions of my own I finally reported Freckles to Facebook, Craigslist, and to the Vice squad at the local police station..(and want to guess what department I was referred to?? Sex Crimes and Special Victims!!!). Ahhh....Benson and Stabler would be so proud.

Again, I must apologize and thank you all at the same time for reading and listening. I am hoping that my lengthy tangent may help another one day...and as I said before, think I just needed the release to put this right of passage to bed (sorry no pun intended here) and move on. I guess you can consider this post as a brief intermission to Acts 7-9. I will be back on my "normal" rotation as of this week as I have new dates and UPdates to share!!

Stay Tuned........................

The Second Date Cometh........well maybe

Hey kids!! Mama is baaaaaaaaaaaaaacck!
Sorry for the small hiatus but a little something called Fall Premier Week was happening and sad but true there was a lot of must see programming that I just couldn't stand to miss! Glee (so funny), Survivor, ANTM, Gossip Girl.....ahem..ok let's get back on track and focus on why I'm really here....DATES. So last time we chatted the latest buzz was about Big Ben. Well...after what I would rate about a 9 on a scale of 10 for first dates, Big Ben left for a business trip for 2 whole weeks! While Big Ben was away, we managed to keep in touch with each other via email which was a very welcomed and nice surprise. Fast forward two weeks to Saturday, September 19th, and based on my calculations the eagle has landed and is back in town as of today. Now...think you already know where I am going with this....the part of dating that I loathe and that drives so many of us over the edge and running to the nearest pint of ice cream, baked good, chocolate bar or in my case a bottle of wine.....the infamous Second Date Phone Call!! While my instincts tell me that things were great and I would definitely welcome a second date.....my alter dating ego, which thanks to all of my trusty dating and relationship guides wonders hmmm....maybe he's just not that into me?!? The old me before I started on this lofty and ambitious quest to find the ultimate relationship and l-o-v-e by going out on 100 Dates would have rationalized every way from Tuesday why I haven't received a call for a second date yet. Come on girls....you know what I'm talking about...."Maybe he hasn't called because he's jet lagged" or "Maybe he's so tired and just catching up on his sleep" or "Maybe he left his phone on the plane and can't find a way to reach you..lol" or "Maybe you're jinxing it by talking about it!" and another classic one, "Maybe he likes you so much he's nervous and is waiting for you to give him the right signal that you're interested in him!" Blah..blah..blah..now before starting this blog I think I may have fallen victim to one of those dumb ass excuses just to stroke my ego and make myself feel better but now I am armed with many options AND the advice from the supreme relationship Gods...I know better damn it! Now many of you may be thinking....Stop! Wait! It's only been one day!!!! While I'm not one for drastic measures, I am officially prepared to call a T.O.D=Time of Death (thanks for that one Natalie..love it), on Big Ben after sun down on Sunday....ahhhhhh.

'Sunrise...sunset...sunrise..sunset....'

So clearly I've got some serious dating to do, the days are flying by and I've got LOTS of dates to catch up on. I will give you a small peek into what's on tap for me: Speed Dating event coming up soon, 4 set ups still waiting in the wings, and 90% away from securing a date with a brand new suitor. So even though you haven't heard from me in the last week due to my budding new relationships with the CW, Fox, and CBS, I have still been earnestly working on finding that special guy that will appreciate and share me with my prime time network men for the Fall season. Oh...and a new relationship will bud this week with ABC..can we say 2 hour premiere of Grey's Anatomy?? And before I get any flack about television and the fact that a plastic remote and 1080i won't keep me warm at night or walk me down the aisle......YES I have a DVR!!

Yikes....only 3 months left in the year...I recently read something about Black Friday specials already!! Stay Tuned...........................

Damn You Facebook!!!!!

So I must digress from my mission of 100 Dates for a moment as I sit here in a small state of SHOCK. Ok....so for all of you Sex and The City fans remember the episode when Carrie was at a Fourth of July party in the Hamptons and bumps into Big and finds out that he met someone while he was away on business in Paris?? Now fast forward to the other episode where they decide to bury the hatchet and maintain their "friendship" and Carrie learns over lunch that Big is a lot more serious than what she thought....i.e... he was engaged?!!?!??! Well..I just had a little Fourth of July/Bury the Hatchet moment of my own folks....and who or what is to blame do you ask.....boredom, Facebook, and a little red wine on a Saturday night! Yes...just discovered that a guy that I dated in NYC..on and off, off and on, off then on, for about 3 years in NYC is now MARRIED. The quintessential bachelor that I never thought even knew how to spell the word let alone do the deed is married. A big F***ing thanks goes out to Facebook for allowing me to bear witness to countless status updates and wall postings and well wishes from friends and family...can we say TMI??? Hmmm guess there is something to that catchy book turned blockbuster movie, "He's Just Not That Into You" which also just happens to be my Buru of the moment:

Rule #7: He's Just Not That Into You If He Doesn't Want to Marry You........

Damn you Greg Behrendt and Liz Tuccillo...........you are so right on.

3 months, 2 weeks, 4 days and 94 dates to go....ahhhh..where's my big clock???? [refer to last post to explain "Big Clock"]

Date #6: Tennis, a little Vaseline, and a Big Clock

Picture it….a cool Sunday afternoon sitting outside at The Alcove in Los Feliz sipping on a non fat latte having interesting conversation….ahhhh. So not only did I have Date #6 this past Sunday but I also enjoyed a Golden Girls marathon (only a die hard GG fan would understand the “picture it” reference…kudos to you). On to Date #6…..and yes, he is the bi product of yet another online dating resource compliments of Match.com. Now at first glance from his profile picture I have to admit that I was a little shallow and my expectations were not the greatest based on his picture but I liked his 'stats': 36, athletic, wants kids, never been married, social drinker, graduate degree, and is passionate about his job. The fact that his picture looked as if he used Vaseline instead of some fancy exfoliating cleanser to wash his face was just a small formality right? We exchanged a few emails with each other and he had a pretty good sense of humor...well good enough to appreciate my sassy yet goofy attitude that only a mother could love. While I am a big fan of the game of tennis, I am not one for engaging in a tournament of emails with a potential date..i.e.. a barrage of emails about our life stories back and forth, back and forth, back and forth....match point already!! Ahhhh....enough about tennis and Vaseline (sorry Serena) on to details about the date!!

So after a few technical difficulties in communicating with each other (as if we don't have enough ways to be in touch AND get rejected these days....cell, text, im, bbm, facebook, voice mail, email..think you get it) after HE was an hour late we finally connected with each other in Los Feliz. I know you're all dying to know his 'name' aren't you?? Well #6 and I had a really engaging conversation about race, fashion, and the financial world.....I can't think of 3 subjects that link better together can you? Hmmm....President Obama, Fashion Night Out, and a few little names like JP Morgan Chase and AIG...well this wasn't the exact stream of conversation but you get the point. #6 works in the world of finance and corruption ahem..I meant finance and consumption :) and he informed me that he was off to London for business the very next day so I couldn't think of a better moniker for #6 than you guessed it....Big Ben (London, big clock, time, HE was late.....makes sense right?).

I must say meeting Big Ben in person was quite the surprise. Gone was the squinty eyed, grease slicked face from his profile picture and hello to a fresh faced, dimply, bright eyed good looking guy......phew! We ordered our fancy coffee drinks, found a comfortable spot to chat outside and proceeded to engage each other in stimulating conversation. I learned that Big Ben was originally from the East coast, was engaged and involved in a long term relationship for 9 years, and was also somewhat of a newbie to the West coast like me. I found the conversation to be seamless and easy....he served, I hit back, another serve, another hit...no Aces...just an easy and fun game of dating tennis. In fact the conversation was so seamless that we were still engaged on a subject as he was walking me to my car to end the date.

On to the advice...I switched gears and started reading the tome of a new Buru, this week it's a little advice from Greg Behrendt and Liz Tuccillo otherwise known as the geniuses behind "He's Just Not That Into You". Now some of you may think that this first date with Big Ben may be a tad bit too soon to discern whether or not he's into me but I think no time is like the present so I'd like to break a few things down based on the tips from the book and see if my #6 could potentially turn into Dates #'s 7-100:


Rule #1: He's just not that into you if he's not calling you:
First date aside I will say that Big Ben has contacted me via email on 3 occasions whilst away in London for the week. Now only time will tell what stands to happen once he is back on dry land but so far his cyber contact has been cute, funny, and engaging.

Rule #2: He's just not that into you if he's not asking you out:
Although there is a rather large body of water and about a dozen or so States between Big Ben and myself he has managed to ask me out for when he is back in town. Geez...is a trip to the Abbey (and I'm not talking about the one in WeHo for all you Los Angelian's) and a body of water is all it really takes for a guy to seal the deal for another date these days?

Rule #3: He's just not that into you if he's unable to show some type of affection...towards YOU: Now this was a rule of my own that I thought I would throw in for good measure. I happen to be an extremely affectionate person and I have come to realize that being with a person that cannot show affection towards me in a relationship is a DEAL BREAKER for me. And no...I'm not saying that I want to throw down with a guy at a bus stop, waiting in line at Starbucks, or in the Travel section of Barnes & Noble BUT I am a warm, touchy feely kind of person that requires some attention and reciprocity in that department. I once dated a guy in my 20's that would walk 3 steps ahead of me when we were walking down the street.......now with the wisdom of my 30s its safe to say that he just wasn't that into me but at that time like most of us I chose to believe that he really did like me but had an unfortunate rare skin disorder on the palms of his hands that prevented any skin to skin contact. Ahhh Greg and Liz....where have you been all of my life??

So there are a lot more rules to follow in the 'No Excuses Truth to Understanding guys' from "He's Just Not That Into You" which I will revisit once Big Ben resets his clock stateside.......

Stay tuned... :o)

Why didn't I buy a Mac??

Hey folks!!

So I have been out of commission for a few days due to my annoying computer problems....damn Dell! In any case I've got lots of lovely updates for Date #6 that was on Sunday...hope to post tonite!!!

Week 4: From May to December.............

As of last night I have 95 dates to go and if you are paying any attention to that cute little ticker at the bottom of my posts...I only have 3 months, 4 weeks and 1 day left..which means to 118 days to go out on 95 dates!!! Yikes...looks like it's time to ramp it and double book em'!

So back on track to Date #5 which was last evening....ahhh...well, I will first begin by saying that I needed to consult with a few resources in order to find the appropriate terminology if you will for my date last night. Appropriate terminology for my date you ask?? What's she talking about?? Date #5 was a little older than me.....ok..let's be honest he was significantly older than me but age is just a number right? Let's just say that if a Cougar represents an older woman dating a younger man then Date #5 would be considered a 'Tom Cat' and No I'm not referring to Cruise and Holmes although the age gap that they share is a little comparable. So think I'm going to refer to Date #5 as Mr. December....(just call me "May" and he is "December"....are you following??).

I actually met Mr. December through yet another dating site....eharmful..oop's..I meant eHarmony. I initially shrugged off Mr. December's advances as I did feel he was just a wee too long in the tooth for me. While I have dated men in the past that were older than me...in some cases up to 10 years, I just didn't think that Mr. December and I would connect and want the same things out of life due to the significant age gap (keep guessing about that gap because I'm NOT telling!). Well I can say one thing about older men....they are persistent and just won't take no for an answer so after much prodding and having the ability to really make me laugh I conceded and decided to go out with Mr. December.

So I met up with Mr. December on his turf in a cute little beachy town that seemed miles away from where I live even though it only took me about 15 minutes to get there. He was extremely chivalrous and met me outside as I drove up and ushered me to the valet parking lot and paid the parking attendant (Not too shabby eh?). We sat at the bar at one of his favorite haunts where everybody knows his name where he regaled me with hilarious stories of his dating past. So far so good...cocktails, dating stories and most importantly he pursued me with the vigor and drive of a fat kid eating at a dessert buffet. I actually found myself laughing, smiling, and very intrigued by Mr. December's advances and oh so straight forward delivery. Is it me or does it seem like there are only two stages in life when men are able to really let you know how they feel and what they want in life....when they first start learning how to speak ('Mommy I want my bottle, I'm hungry, or I have to go poddy') and when they need to re-learn how to speak because of the new accoutrement's in their mouth's....are you seeing the parallels here??

Overall Mr. December was witty, interesting, funny, direct, and nice company but I must be honest that I'm just not so sure about the age gap. BUT! Before I officially become an ageist I will have another date with Mr. December...in fact stay tuned as we are meeting up next week :0)!

Now I realize that I was a little lax this week on choosing a new Buru to follow this week but don't worry...I just picked a new advisor and the name of the tome is "Good Date, Bad Date...The Matchmaker's Guide to Where the Boys Are and How to Get Them" by Marla Martenson.

Stay tuned...........................